I’ve often wondered what cave-children did to pass the time. I’m sure they had their daily chores; taking out the trash, cleaning up after the cave-dog and, of course, rubbing cave-grandma’s bunions for a nickel. You know, back then you could see twenty movies, eat hundreds of candy bars (snickers was a particular favorite, and back then, a single bar was the size of your arm) and take the bus twice daily for a week, all for only a nickel. Cave-children didn’t have school, they could sleep in daily, and providing they were quick to learn how to chuck a spear or pick a berry, they had lots of free time. The neighborhood toy store consisted of two sticks and a rock. (“Hey Gnart, look! A new stick is in stock, and this one has leaves!”)
Cave-children had to stay near their parents at all times. Given their high mortality rate due to Mammoth stomping, tar pits and the occasional drive by shooting*, cave-parents were really very strict when it came to their children wondering off. Most of the time, entertainment had to be relatively close and at least within spear-shot. The only fun activity cave-children had, was when it snowed. Snow was the “Play-doh” of the age. You could shape it, mold it, eat it, and throw it! Snow was awesome, and you could play right outside your cave. I’m assuming that it snowed quite often considering the stereotypical cavemen are portrayed as wearing shaggy animal hides, armed with rocks or cattle bone clubs. It had to be cold all the time right? I mean, next time you go to the natural history museum, tell me if you see a picture or display of cavemen and cavewomen in speedos and bikinis under an umbrella sippin’ a Carona whilst playfully frolicking on the beach in southern Florida.
Anyway, scientists have found evidence of the play habits of cave children in dozens of caves across the globe. Cave paintings showing children making cave-snowmen are not only endearing, but imaginative. Thank goodness for snow, without it, cave –children would have spent their days whacking themselves and each other in the head with sticks they bought using the nickel from grandma.
*Drive by shootings by cavemen was not a common occurrence, resulting in more injuries than inflicted. Basically, a team of cavemen would cluster together as tight as they could and try to run past another clans cave while throwing rocks, shells, spears and small mammals. Often they could be seen coming from miles away (cavemen weren’t great strategists), giving the target clan a chance to prepare. Often a large boulder was propped above the entrance of a cave. When the offensive clan began their drive by…”plop”.
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